How to woo a lady

- an idiot’s guide to understanding women

Having a girl friend is, in a lot of ways, like bungee jumping. Everyone thinks its super cool, but when you are at it all you want is to get out alive. That said, it is rather highly unfortunate that as the cultural catalysts for over half a century now, Bollywood has given our masses a difficult benchmark to follow. Single, aggressive and angry Amithabs have silently been replaced with talkative, flirting and charming Shah Rukhs. And overnight the aloof silent singledom has become a symbol of pity.

But fear not readers, for in just a few lines that follow you will have the key to understanding a woman’s head, realize her wants and understand her thoughts. And that exact moment you would wish you never payed for this internet connection that has, with this post, pushed you into a lifelong contemplation bordering suicide, penance and lunacy.

But since you have come so far, let me give you a talisman on how relationships work. If you have ever wondered why the woman of your dreams looks instead at that rugged looking no-good rowdy down the street, you are already on the right track.

Women are pre-programmed with an intrinsic want to do good. Over that is an impregnable layer of an infallible ethical system. Crafted across this are the two most vital components of the woman’s brain- the screamer and the road-decomprehender. With so many interrelated components, each with its share of complexity, it is no wonder that the system as a whole comes up with just a couple of minor glitches. Therefore the woman ideally assumes it her divine task to turn the world around. She would complain about the use of plastics as she bites off that chocolate, use the more expensive and labor intensive recycled paper, scream at errant drivers on roads, set a model to prevent sunburn by dressing up Taliban style, and save all her used tissues and wrappers so as to help make a greener planet. Useless facts such as nuclear treaties, war, global warming or that recycled paper uses more in chemicals and raw materials than new paper hardly ever matter to her.

Now it is this inherent need to cleanse the society of evils that draws her to villains and axe murderers. A woman thinks it is her responsibility to purify her ‘victim’ by love. A delirious state governed by states of change and credit cards.

It is at this part of the relationship that the boyfriend quits smoking, drinking, flirting, eating, riding and breathing, while the girl on her part quits calling and going out with him. A woman needs a challenge. She needs something to change. Once the guy becomes perfect, her challenge is over. Some women may look for more things to change- the dressing styles or eating habits. And the ideal woman can constantly complain and feed her survival. The few that do not strictly fall into this median category move to greater villains to satiate their smarten attire. Of course, an intelligent woman may accept the lack of change as the greater truth in life and live with contentment, showering happiness across all she sees. But since every reader here knows that an intelligent woman is a biological anomaly, I suggest you shoot her thrice on the head if you ever encounter one.

p.s: what will girls do when every guy turns out to be like "vanathapola" captain… who will she love??? what will be there for her to cleanse???...yosichindae irunga :|

Dissociatve Identity Syndrome

(popularly Multiple Personality Disorder)


Anniyan was the least of this i tell you!

This write comes in the wake of my new found knowledge that there exist certain ke-ku* who assume rummaging this blog is the key to discovering the dark half- my less known private life.
I feel insulted. I really feel insulted!
Now did you think i would be so dumb as to put up private information on even a darn peice of paper... let alone the internet??? So i tell him- ke-ku dear, this is not the way it works.
And he shows uneasiness at the fact. So i try to make him understand that it would take a half wit idiot as himself to go on proclaiming information on the free for all web if he did not want it public. Quite obviously for a spectacular genius like him, who could evade evolution, this was not comprehendable. And every few seconds he would give a triumphant smile at the accomplishment of 'discovering' my space here!
My blog is not me. Infact most often I AM NOT ME. What then, have i written all along in a mask of lies?
Maybe.....

Let me put it easier for my friends of blogs and shitheads of planet ke-ku

I guess most of us have atleast heard of a disease, not uncommon amongst our kind. Its called Multiple Personality Disorder. In fact all of me suffer from it.
And since the millions of ME cannot peacefully co exist in my limited frame, three have emerged truly powerful- Arvind,Rikki & Jakie
Pretty simple- ideally I would be Arvind. The figment of myself better known amongst my lesser world. Removing all emotion and backing it with attitude and ego required a dump- and so Arvind was born. Now if you knew Arvind, you could at least beam at lesser passed knowledge. But there again if you assumed I did have some life altering secret, and you just had to look for it in the daily papers, i suggest you look under a moving truck and not stop until you hear a squelching sound and your eyesight fades to darkeness!

And here comes Rikki. It doesnt take a harvard cryptologist to see that this is just my "so cald second life". Obvious from the name, Rikki is the anti- matter of jakie. Defnly not the place to go about searching for arvind here!



(1) I may not be Einstien, but i am sure enough not an idiot to go about giving you anything I dont mean you to see.
(2) Orkut, Blogosphere, my write ups and my speeches are meant for public and I KNOW IT!
(3) I currently do not hold ANY life altering secrets. So the next time you start with "I heard something about you..." im gonna make sure you dont hear anything at all- EVER
(4) Either Get a life... or better still - eat your toenails and DIE


ps: Ke-Ku is an ancient Chinese accolade for ingenious thinkers. Not to be confused with tamil kena kooooo