No one has ever told me what happiness is supposed to feel like; what the symptoms are. Happiness is something I'm not used to for a sustained period of time (more than two days). If I were writing a dictionary, my definition of happiness would be: "a transitory phase between bouts of unhappiness".
Then what is this unbelievable feeling... that I feel now, in her company, with such great ferociousness in wanting to smile all the time? After almost 4 years of being in love with her in the most separatist of circumstances - the closer she gets to me, the more I feel physical spasms of deliciousness in my existence and mental orgasms of comfort in her presence! Is this the happiness out of which I was cheating myself all these years?
Today, I walked with her on the streets of Chennai in the rain that she loves so much. She walked slowly, reluctant to step into shelter and away from the pouring rain. And I walked slower, folded umbrella in hand, reluctant to step into shelter and away from her. I chipped a tooth gritting to control myself from screaming to the world that she is with me.
I cannot resist the temptation to believe that there is a possibility of constancy in happiness.
